How did we get into
these painful relationships? What signs did we miss that would have
tipped us off about our partner’s serious emotional problems? We all
know now, looking backwards, when the particular behaviors began to
surface, but could we have seen the tip of the iceberg behavior
sooner?
J. Kent Griffiths, DSW,
in his work Character Disorder, says, "We all have several of these
traits on a bad day, but if you see a preponderance of these
attributes in yourself or the person you're worried about, it may
indicate what is called a personality disorder. We should work on
overcoming these attributes and avoid people who possess many of
them."
BEHAVIORS THAT
MAY INDICATE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
(For ease of use, the generic masculine
pronoun has been used.
Please recognize that the below behaviors apply to both male and
female.)
Low stress tolerance
with explosive behavior.
Moody – switches from
nice guy/gal to anger without much provocation.
Survive on threats
and intimidation to keep others chained to them.
They do not take
responsibility for their behavior.
They have to be
right. They have to win. They have to look good.
Very slow to forgive
others. They hang on to resentment.
Unable to sustain a
totally faithful relationship with love partner.
Tendency to project
their own shortcomings onto the world about them – frequent
blaming. Never at fault.
Ready rationalization
– rarely at a loss for words – twists conversation to divorce
themselves from responsibility.
Glimpses of integrity
and emotion are seen – but short-lived. They give you hope that
they are changing, but return soon to deviant behavior.
In a trust
relationship, inevitably betray and violate their commitments
and get blocked emotionally when they get too close to those
they say they love.
They have no concept
of open sharing of ideas, feelings, emotions. Conversation goes
per their direction. They have the last word always.
Can show tenderness
of feeling, then return to customary behaviors. Two (or more)
vastly different sides to their personality are seen.
They never seem to
get enough of what they want. They leave others feeling drained
and confused.
Highly contradictory.
He loves me, he hates me. They threaten their partner with
poverty, then indulge their partner or the relationship.
You end up feeling
responsible for the problem. They get to your feelings. No
matter what -- they win, you lose.
Attitude of “I’ll
meet your needs if you meet mine. If you don’t, I’ll find
someone else who will or I will not meet yours.”
They are so skilled at making a mountain out of
a molehill, and you become so tired of the conflict. It drains
all of your energy, love and hope.
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